Saturday, January 3, 2015

Mindnotes: day 3 in Phnom Penh and 1st achievement

Mindnotes : day 3 in Phnom Penh and first achievement

The day started very early despite I went to bed really late.
I woke up and I saw I had received 2 messages 5 minutes before I woke up.
One from a friend in Belgium who said he loved my personality because I am so passioned crazy and perseverant. The other from Ludi who wanted to speak with me.
I thought: Mind thoughts , they are thinking of me so intensely that I can wake up. Do you believe in intuition, mind connexions , telepathy? I think love goes beyond any space and time border, just like I wrote many times. So if you do not believe in that, skip this passage you might get super bored because my day is only and only about that at the human level, and on a practical technical art experience.

So I went outside to get the delicious big coffee. I wanted to have a real big shower and wash my hair but one question was: is this normal the water is so cold? So I got a shower in the other room because my shower heater was broken. Is this boring? I think when you paint for hours, your muscles suffer and you can feel real pain if you do not warm your muscles up after effort. A real hot shower is relaxing for  your muscles. And I also felt in the mood to be feminine. Every time I paint it is like a first date with my lover. I prepare myself for that moment I will draw and create the magic, like a ritual. 
I spoke with Ludi for 2 hours. Interesting conversation. We spoke about everything but art. We could have spoken for hours and hours. Once again this was a kick on top to start a very active day.

I took my paint and went to the wall. People here seemed already used to see me. But every time I walked by people said: you are beautiful. So instead of not saying anything I replied : you are beautiful too.
The thing is that people smile a lot here. And I really like that. I can't spend 5 minutes with anyone who does not smile with teeth or eyes.
Reaching the wall I knew this would be a challenge. It was hot and sunny and that was no issue. The Car paint is a nightmare . It sinks , the lines are not clean and regular like with the standard spraycan made for graffiti that I usually use.

After 2 hours I was kind of desperate. I felt many different feelings:
- that work is not good, not good enough because it is not neat enough.
- the wall is small, I don't like that type of small size anymore
- the work is slow, I aurally do better and faster , better results and more efficiency.
- the art is nice in itself but it lacks energy.

Thinking and talking to myself :
- maybe it is because I am not feeling well as I am anxious about the supplies.
- maybe it is because I want to stick to my objective of making it super nice for the end of the day.
- maybe there are too maybes.

Let's have a break.

Then another graffiti writer popped up. He proposed to give his adaptor to me in order to put some cap on the can.  It is a small accessory that helps you master your flow and have better lines. I tried and it was no better.
I was moved because he came at that very moment I felt weird and had lost confidence. He is Cambodian an came from far and especially to see me and help me. He refused the 5 dollars I wanted to give him just because of his kindness .
He stayed and watched me.
I was uncomfortable because I was not ok with my work.
To me this was not an example.
I did not show my interior collapse, I continued and then went for my break.
Coffee , soup, noodles, I started a conversation with Guillaume a nice guy of my age I met 2 days ago.
He spoke about his trip in Cambodia riding the scooter in the wild landscape.
I remembered: on this week end I need to get a scooter.
I have forced myself to stay here in the area to start and keep on the work. I am not going to lose focus, there will be too many things and in fact this is just what I love doing!
I looked at him and said: see you later I am getting back to my wall.
I went in my room and changed my hairstyle , sat for a couple of minutes. It reenergised me. I knew I would do it because this is not a question of death. I have all I need to do it.
I went back to the wall and being more relaxed helped me. I discovered a new way to manipulate thEse spraycans. I was even fascinated by the way I was doing it.
It was nice, and I finished as the sun was sinking.
Then I went back to my guesthouse and met Toby, a guy who started playin guitar. He sang , shy, not loud. But I could hear the music was really nice and he could sing well. He told me the songs were his, that he made 9 songs. That moment was the best in the day. He said to me that he was not singing because he has to feel it. I asked : would you play and sing for my art performance on the 9th. He said : I would do it for you yes. If it has a meaning, I do it.
I loved that sentence: if it has a meaning.
I could hear myself in those words.
I left and then met Tony ( not Toby :)).
He told me his whole story in Asia, that he ran many businesses. We were two on the terrace of the guesthouse and we played music with YouTube. The sound system was good and he explained that he is a northern soul. He had a Fred Perry shirt and I must say I liked his very talkative personality fond of discussing  various topics and authentic sense of humour .
After a while I was hungry and got the same big fish as yesterday. 
For some reason there was a routine thing coming over .
I thought: tomorrow I will have a time somewhere else. Or better ; I will paint and start my canvases.

I need some quiet time and to be on and only on my own now for an evening.
So my plan for tomorrow is to clean and prime the second wall. It is 5 m high and 10 m large on a building. It is not that high but still upper ground and and I like that. The surface is interesting with stairs . I have ideas about how to use the shapes. And ... Then I will go for a 1h30 massage  and will get the canvases to continue working in the evening. 



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